Kids whine because parents SOMETIMES give in to them. I learnt this from my 3.5 year old son HERE.
The principle behind why a child whines is exactly the same as what motivates a gambler to keep on pulling on the lever of a jackpot machine. It is random intermittent variable reinforcement (or RIVR). When a gambler pulls on a jackpot machine, he SOMETIMES wins a few hundred dollars. Since the gambler cannot predict when he will win, he keeps on trying. Parents are human. We sometimes give in because we are TIRED. We just want the whining to stop. Supposing your child wants a Magnum ice cream badly. He asks for it. You say, "No." If he keeps asking and finally you say, "Yes," he has hit the jackpot!" You may not do this for everything he asks. Often, we are strong enough to stay committed to our, "No." However, once in a long while, we crack and say, "Yes." Parents are human too. Think about it. The gambler does not need to win big every week to keep on trying. He just needs to win big ONCE and he is hooked onto the hope of winning big. It does not matter if you are a parent with an iron will. I have seen Fathers with a will of iron, melt into putty in the face of a daughter's whine. So, even if you say "No," and mean, "No," 99 times. That ONE time you say, "Yes," will doom you (oh poor hapless parent) to a lifetime of life-sapping, frustration building, tear-hair-out whining. During the entire month of Home Based Learning, if you are experiencing a lot of stress working with your children during Home Based Learning, please type your issue/question in the comments below. I will troubleshoot for you and post my advice in future posts. Anonymous questions will not be answered.
5 Comments
SK Tan
4/8/2020 11:11:15 am
Well thanks for the sharing.
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4/8/2020 02:24:32 pm
@SKTan: Gently but clearly communicate to her that whining will NEVER get what she wants. Then, enforce that rule.
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ChanSoonKeng
4/8/2020 08:58:59 pm
Looking for more good suggestions
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Jasmine
4/10/2020 10:12:58 pm
I am a single mum. How do I know if my son is emotionally effected? He doesn’t show any interest in study, is this one of the reason?
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4/11/2020 01:27:57 pm
I do have clients who are single mothers, whose children excel in school and are interested in their work. I also know children from 2 parent families who hate school.
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Petunia Lee, Ph.D Archives
January 2022
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